Still so damn tired...

     I didn't want to run. Let's just get that said right off the bat. I am tired, I worked for the last 12 hours, I deserve a hot shower and (somewhat) comfy bed here in the hospital. I want pizza, I don't really want to eat a salad and some MORE chicken.  It would have been so much easier to just go lay around with some yummy tasting and horrible-for-me food and watch Game of Thrones but...

      At this point, I walk for five minutes, jog for two, repeat 4 times and call it good. I feel like an idiot admitting this but even that is hard for me to do and I'm exhausted by the time I'm done. That being said, it's easier than it was a week ago, or the week before that. They say that it takes 18-24 months for your body to work out all the chemo and most of the side effects and I would love to quote that as an excuse, but I know that a lot of my problem is that I'm far more out of shape than anyone my age should be. If I'd taken better care of myself and been healthier before I got cancer, this wouldn't be as much of an issue.

     I have a thousand excuses every day for why I shouldn't go to the gym but I NEED this. I want my life back and damnit, getting healthier and slimmer will help with that. Not to mention I have a marathon to finish.

Hello followers...

So... I just noticed that there have been a lot of views of my blog... even though only a couple people know about it so far. Hello there!! Feel free to leave comments, by the way. I'm a paramedic, which means I could talk to a brick wall so I definitely don't mind some actual human interaction via Blogger. I think this photo pretty much sums up my feelings about life right now, and I need to remember this feeling when I force myself to go for a run tonight after a 12 hour work day. 

Caring Bridge posts....

These are all of my Caring Bridge posts...


October 20, 2013

     I never thought I would be afraid of the shower but apparently I have something new to be hesitant of. Good news is, I made it through without pulling on my incision or falling (probably my biggest fear). My incision looks great!... well as good as 20 staples down my belly can look... and the fact that they're straight with all the swelling going on is a tribute to Dr Labredo.

I had a friend come over and hang out for a while tonight, which was awesome and now it's time to go to bed. I just wanted to say that I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers and support!

Brynn

Signs and symptoms....

I decided to post all of my Caring Bridge updates here on my blog in one big post if anyone cares to read them. They might give you some insight into my twisted sense of humor and who I am. This one, however, I think is important enough to have its own entry...

My Momma and I were talking the other day and we were compiling a list of signs and symptoms for me. Going down the list, they were really vague and we didn't put them together until we all started learning the specifics of my kind of cancer. We thought it would be a good idea to go through them now, maybe it will set off a little alarm in someone else's head to at least get a check up.

The first thing we all noticed was that my voice had changed in the past couple of months. I noticed

My Story...

So I guess it's probably a good idea to tell you how all of this started. I pulled my story text from the Caring Bridge site my parents started for me when we found out I have cancer so I'm posting it here. When I read through it, I see what a few people meant that I was very matter-of-fact about everything. I guess I was, but I think that it really helped. I'll post my caring bridge updates here as well so anyone can read them if they like.

Hi everyone. So I have had a lot of people ask me how this whole thing started and it will be good to write it all out.

On September 10th, I was sleeping at work and started having a terrible, really sharp abdominal pain

Wise words...

Right now, I can barely walk three miles but it gets easier every day. One of the oncologists who we worked with said something to my dad that really has stuck with me. He said that cancer introduces you to yourself, it introduces you to your new reality; that I'm not the healthy (I use this term loosely, as well any of you who have seen my prior eating habits) 25 year old I was. Even though my cancer has been "gone" for four months and I'm considered a survivor, I'll always be a cancer patient, I'll always have an oncologist and I'll always have the chance of recurrence. That's a lot to swallow...

Beginning

So I am new to this whole blogging thing but I've heard this is therapeutic and I'm trying to put my life together. My name is Brynn, I'm a 26 year old single mom of an amazing 5 year old named Rylie. I'm also a Paramedic and 911 dispatcher; both of these are careers that I love....O, and I'm a cancer patient.

I save that one for last because it's the most unimportant, important and critical part. My cancer is not something that I want to define me, but it's my reality. My cancer it's something I can't just push into some box in the back of my mind, no matter how much I'd like to. My cancer changed my entire life... and I'm trying to add "for the better" to the end of that sentence.